I was reminded on a road trip to Florida last week of what is far and away the most-asked family vacation question of all time: “Are we there yet?”
We’ve all asked it, sometimes (for the really impatient) a few moments after crossing the Ohio River into Kentucky. Small children ask it every 15 minutes. And it’s understandable for anybody to ask it a few thousand times throughout Georgia, which seems to be only slightly smaller than China.
Are we there yet? Because the ultimate destination holds such promise of wonder, fascination and beauty, it’s easy to get irritated about the long, difficult and boring journey to get there.
We want to get there now. Today. This minute.
This is true not only with road trips, but also with school, jobs, relationships and anything else in life that holds value to us.
We want the diploma, the trophy, the job title or the silver anniversary, but sometimes we’re not fully committed to doing everything that’s required to get there. Or, even if we are committed, we make ourselves miserable every step along the way.
Ever witnessed this? A woman complains about that her husband doesn’t spend any time with her, and yet she doesn’t do or say anything that invites him to do so. Instead, just the opposite occurs. The same happens with men who are frustrated about the distance between him and his wife.
Roseanne Barr once said, “When I got married, I thought I was marrying Price Charming. Instead, all I got was a couch that burps.”
The journey to a silver anniversary takes loving respect, both in the way things are said and in a willingness to listen. It takes sacrifice. It takes forgiveness. And none of those things are fun and easy to do all of the time.
The same concept holds true with sports success, too. I just finished the new book about Tiger Woods, and while the media in general devotes so much attention to Tiger’s enormous talent or his character flaws (as if no one else has character flaws), the book emphasizes his incredible work ethic.
He’s practicing when no one else is looking. He’s refining technique, repeating core concepts and constantly looking for something that gives him an edge. Say what you will about Tiger the husband, but Tiger the golfer works very hard to be the champion golfer he has become. And he enjoys it.
It’s not easy. He could surely make a good living just relying on his talent. But he has a bigger goal, and is willing to embark on the journey to get there.
The same is true of students who have an academic goal, or business leaders who have a career goal.
Some would say America has gotten lazy because of its addiction to relaxation. We live in relative comfort compared with the rest of the world, so there’s no incentive to work hard to be the best anymore. We want too much without any effort. So while we rest easy with our feet propped up, other countries are passing us by.
So here was my passing thought as I drove through Georgia last week: finding satisfaction in the journey has to be part of the pleasure in reaching the destination. While time in a car doesn’t compare to time on a beach, it’s still time with my family. While music from the CD player isn’t the same as a live band at sunset, it still can nourish my soul.
A good Tuesday practice makes for a better Friday night game. A proper late-afternoon trial preparation makes for a more successful courtroom trial.
Happiness shouldn’t rest entirely achieving a goal such as reaching retirement, or buying the vacation home, or winning a particular championship.
The journey should be part of the joy.
Are we there yet?
Maybe we are, but we just don’t know it.
This piece first appeared in the Dayton Daily News "Neighbors" section on April 12, 2012. Jeff Kirby can be reached at jeffkirby1@aol.com.