I remember like it was yesterday, riding my bike to 90 West Central Avenue in Springboro on a cold Sunday morning to deliver my first newspaper of the day. I stopped and looked at the front page before I curled it up to slide it into the mailbox. “Wow, January 3, 1971,” I said. The date just looked so weird.
Evidently, I slept for almost 25 years, because the next thing I knew I was once again at 90 West Central, where my wife Kim and I had stopped to get a photograph of our children, Adam and Chloe. By this time the house there was known as Kleather’s Pumpkin Patch, which remains one of the most picturesque places in town.
Adam was eight and Chloe was only a few months old. “Hold her up for a second, Adam,” I said. And that’s when I captured the moment on film, If I was ever stranded on a desert island and allowed to have only ten photographs, this would be one of them.
Afterward, our little family went home, ate dinner, watched a little TV, and Kim and I put the children to bed.
As I watched them sleep, I stopped and wondered.
What’s going on here? How was I almost 35 years old? When did all this happen — finishing school, starting a career, getting a job, having children, and buying a house?
I’ll tell you what happened.
I blinked.
…
ONE OF THE BEST PARTS of my job is heaping praise on parents who do what is extremely difficult to do, which is to set aside their personal differences and not put their children in the middle of their divorce.
I believe losing a child is the most difficult experience in life, but I also think the process of divorce ranks up there as a very close second. In the words of my pastor, Charlie McMahan, it is not some simple division of assets and children’s time. Instead, it is more like radical surgery without an anesthetic. It hurts like hell.
If divorce is hard on parents at their adult ages, then it is especially difficult on children at their young age, for all they want to do is enjoy their one and only childhood.
More often than not, parents recognize that reality and put in the hard work that requires them to explore many options and then carefully arrive at some mutual understanding. They appreciate that anyone can fight — a five-year-old knows how to fight — but it takes extraordinary effort and skill to reach an agreement.
I make sure those parents know how much their hard work is appreciated, not for my benefit, but for their children. I can’t tell you how many children I have talked to over the years, and what I hear from them most of all — beyond where they wish to go to school and what kind of parenting schedule they would like to see — is their wish for their parents to respect and cooperate with one another. Children do not want to be in the middle.
Great job, I say. Keep it up, I add.
“We’ve still got 10 years to go for your youngest to graduate from high school, and that may seem like a long time from now,” I say. “An eternity.”
But I ask them to remember the words of a Kenny Chesney song, words I needed to hear when my children were younger.
The days go quickly.
“Don’t Blink.”
….
I THOUGHT OF ALL this last Thursday when my family sat a restaurant just up the street from Kleather’s Pumpkin Patch. Chloe, who is now 27 and is engaged to a great guy, had just successfully completed her first jury trial. And Adam, who is 35 and has a girlfriend who is perfect for him, is doing well.
The hustle and bustle of the crowded streets of Springboro, as they are nowadays, hummed behind me. But as I sat back and listened to the laughter and awesome conversation, I appreciated the moment. And, once again, I wondered.
Where did the last 25 years go? How did two children who were totally dependent on Kim and me suddenly become adults? And with a goofball dad like me, how did they turn out so well? Without question, it's a good thing they have such a great mom.
I like these words from the book of Eccleasiastes: “So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun. “
As I reflected last Thursday night, I came to this conclusion.
No more blinking.
