...And A Child Shall Lead Them

Right now he searches for the words to express the thoughts that are constantly jumping through his ever-expanding mind. And he might think Elmo rules the world. But let me tell you, my grandson Owen is a really smart little guy.

No grandparent has ever made such a brazen claim, right? But I can prove it.

Just the other day he assured me that the animal in a book we were looking at was a llama, one of those four-legged creatures that were first domesticated in South America. Here I thought it was just some funny-looking horse, but Owen convinced me otherwise. He even told me it is primarily a pack animal, but it is also used as a source of food, wool, hides, and tallow for candles. Okay, I made that part up, but the book confirmed that we were, in fact, looking at a llama.

See, what did I tell you? So smart.

It wasn’t the first time Owen has taught me something. 

As he runs through our house, touching everything in his path, wondering whether it bounces or smells or can roll along like a toy excavating truck (his current favorite), Owen is as much a teacher to me as he is a student.

He shows me the innocence and joy that can be found in a small, simple life — the kind that’s already right in front of me.

In a word, Owen teaches love.
…

I SPEND A LOT of time around troubled people who are hurt, and unfortunately their emotional pain has turned into anger and bitterness. I don’t see blood, but the courtroom can be a messy, messy place.

But when I’m around Owen, I’m reminded he does not know what it means to hate somebody. He has never experienced discrimination or judgmental behavior. He holds no grudges. Instead, he loves all people, especially those who slip him a cookie after dinner.

As another example, there are times when I waste an afternoon worrying about something, thinking somehow that that is going to solve what I am thinking about. But that is negative energy, and it’s useless. I’ve heard it said that worry is a downpayment on a problem that may never happen.

But when I watch Owen, it is obvious he is not worried about anything. He has everything he needs — from the love and attention from the people who surround him, to the clothes for his every occasion, and to the strawberries and a bananas he has for lunch, with a cookie on the side (I wonder who’s feeding him all these cookies?).

Lastly, I was around someone the other day who was hesitant to take on a major task. He had tried it before and it had not turned out well. He wondered if after all of his effort, he might face the same tragic result. He had a fear of failure.

But while Owen might be afraid of loud noises, he is not afraid of failure. That’s because he doesn’t see his inability to do something as a negative event. Instead, it’s just an invitation to do it better next time. Whether it's finding the right word, or trying to fit an oversized Matchbox car into the toy garage, or stumbling while running, Owen just finds another way to get the job done.

Simple as that.

I admire him for that attitude. He needs a reward. The poor kid needs more cookies after dinner.
…

THERE WAS A WISE man who walked the planet two thousand years ago whose birthday we celebrate around this time every year. He never talked about what people needed to do to get to heaven. Instead, he just wanted people to follow his way of living so they could experience a sprinkle of heaven while here on Earth, with eternal heaven thrown in, too.

One day he was hanging with a bunch of guys who were always peppering him with questions, about all sorts of things. Finally one of them wanted to know what it would take to be the greatest among all men.

They did not get the answer they expected.

Greatness had nothing to do with earning the most money or owning the most stuff, Jesus said. It also had nothing to do with fancy diplomas or being the most popular.

Instead, greatness comes from embracing the innocence of a simple life, the same way children do. Live in the moment. Love people. Accept the reality that we are part of something that is far bigger than ourselves. 

In other words, turn up "The Elmo Slide."

Dance like Owen.

Class dismissed. 

This Magic Moment

After months of looking for the right dress, sending out invitations, finding the right venue, arranging the flowers, and selecting just the right music…the time came when it was just Chloe and me, alone.

Moments before her wedding ceremony, when I would walk her down the aisle to begin her journey 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow,' we had a quiet moment, with just the two of us. I will never forget it.

Chloe peeked out the window as some of her favorite people in the world took their seats. Meanwhile, I reflected on all the special times she has celebrated throughout her lifetime.

Riding a bike at age six...competing in cheer competitions in junior high and high school...graduating from Ohio State...being sworn in as a new attorney...

Kim and I knew she was doing the right thing in marrying Cole, a great guy who is smart and a hard worker. He loves Chloe and treats her right, which is what all parents want for their daughter.

As Chloe continued to gaze at the scene outside, I scrambled to turn my cell phone back on so I could capture the moment. She turned to me with a smile as wide as I have ever seen on her and said, “This is sooooo much fun.”

It was showtime.

…

WHEN CHLOE WAS A little girl, there were two things in particular Kim and I would do as part of the bedtime ritual. After reading a book (all the way through, of course, without skipping any pages), we would take Chloe’s little left hand.

Borrowing a practice we had learned in church, we gave Chloe five affirmations for her five fingers. “You are smart, you are funny, you strive for your independence, you are kind, and you are friendly.” There were other qualities, but the general emphasis was for Chloe to feel secure in the person God created her to be.

The second thing we did after praying for everyone she knew and loved, we prayed for the health and wisdom of the young man who would one day become her husband. We of course had no idea who that was, but we knew he was out there, somewhere. God, watch over him.

In a way, this wedding had been planned for twenty-five years, but not because of where it would be or what it would look like.

It was about building respect.

…

CHLOE AND COLE ARE well-suited for each other in so many ways. They love boating on the lake, they love spending weekends at The Lively Lady campground near Ripley, Ohio, and they love their families.

But they are different in many ways, too, which only makes them more compatible. The question could be asked of everyone, “Do you want to be married to someone who is exactly like you are?” No way.

The reason their relationship works comes down to one word – and it is not love, compromise, or happiness. It comes down to the respect they have for one another, which is a recipe set forth in Ephesians 5.

They respect they way they are different, and respect the way they talk to one another. Respect is the key.

I am thrilled that Chloe and Cole got to enjoy such a magnificent wedding ceremony. But I am more pleased that they look forward to having a long and respectful marriage.

I want them to have the kind of marriage Kim and I do. I want them to have great kids like we have had, and enjoy every second of getting them to school and sitting in the stands for ball games.

And I want them to experience a moment thirty years from now like the one Kim and I experienced on the day Chloe and Cole said 'I do.'

Where there is a Magic Moment.

“This is soooooo much fun.”

Pat Kirby (1936-2023) "What A Ride, Mom"

In the beginning, she had all she needed – a life of her own, a place to call home …and a car.

It wasn’t much of a car, really – a ’49 Chevy, with some rust and well-worn tires. But it was all hers. It gave her independence and a chance to chase her dreams. It took her from her hometown of Camden (in Preble County, Ohio) all the way to the big city of Dayton.

She had it made. The car took her everywhere.

And then one day, when she least expected it, it took her to her future.

That’s when a guy entered the picture, as is the case in all good stories. The guy was a poor guy from Franklin, someone who was long on ambition but short on the means to get there. He had no money, no job and no way to get either one.

He needed … a car.

...

Mom and her car, 1959

GOD HAS A SENSE of humor. Sure, this new couple had some personal chemistry and a loving respect for one another, but the joke many years later was that she had one quality in his eyes that stood above the rest – and it wasn't her beauty or independence.

It was the car.

In short order, her car became THEIR car. And her life became THEIR life. And, before long, they were on the road to something big. But not until one day, out of desperation, he sold her car, something she would kid around about for years.

"He sold my car!" she would say. "It was MY car, not his."

Fortunately, they traveled far from their humble beginnings. They found the highway to good jobs, nicer clothes, and great vacations. There was the week in Rio, two near Madrid, and a half-dozen trips to Aculpoco. He was an up-and-coming trial lawyer, and she was the woman who made him successful.

One day, long after the Chevy was gone, she was able to go to the dealership and get another car -- this one brand new, titled in her name only.

They moved up in other ways, too. After a series of rented small houses, one with no lock on the front door, they later owned a six-bedroom home that was considered among the finest in town. The garage was big enough to hold not just one car, but two.

Life was good.

But the money wasn’t all they had. They had their health, their standing in the community, and their five children, who somehow managed to co-exist without killing one another. In that regard, they had a life full of miracles.

...

Family photos, in 1964 (left) and 2001

THEY INSTILLED VALUES on their children -- to work hard, and never, ever act as though someone else is beneath you. Be the change you want to see in the world.

The children listened, and then later instilled those same principles into their children.

Achievement can come in the face of all adversity. It’s not the style of the car that matters, but the power of the engine in it.

On that day more than 60 years ago, when she flashed through downtown Dayton in her "new" car, her pride and joy, could she have ever envisioned the way things would turn out?

She’d be the first to tell you she could not. She felt God blessed her in more ways than she ever deserved.

You may know her as Pat Kirby, a good citizen, a wonderful person, and a trusted friend who passed away late Monday afternoon in the memory care unit at the Enclave senior care facility in Springboro. And you would be correct.

But I know her simply as “Mom.” And I can tell you why she was blessed for her 86 years on Earth. If you want to receive a blessing, you have to be one first. And with her cheery spirit and gentle heart, no one was more of a blessing to people than Mom.

We love you, Mom, and we will miss you.

But more than that, we will always remember you, and cherish you. Your life was special.

What a ride. 

Living the simple life, in 1942. That's Mary Jane at left, and Mom the second from right.

For Joe, There Was A Gospel According To Bruce, Too

As I drove home from work this evening, I listened to Bruce Springsteen sing about good, hard-working, and hopeful people who are struggling to make their way through their daily lives.

It’s what Bruce does better than anyone. “Tramps like us, baby, we were born to run.”

I was thinking about my friend Joe Byrne, who passed away unexpectedly three weeks ago at his home in New Jersey. He was a fellow 1978 graduate of Franklin High School, a former teammate, a mathematical wizard, and by far the biggest Bruce Springsteen fan I have ever known.

“Glory Days,” the song says. “Yeah, they’ll pass you by…” But, as was evident in my conversations with Joe over the years, the memories remain forever.

He is survived by his daughter Amanda, grandson Carson, his sister Cathi, and brothers Tab and Jay, and hundreds of former Wildcats. It’s tragic and shocking to lose someone so young, because guys my age don’t think it is our time to leave this world just yet. But…

“Everything dies, baby, that’s a fact.”

I am saddened because I think Joe still had a purpose here on Earth, like all of us, but I am also comforted knowing he is in perfect peace, free from the terrible pain that understandably consumed him, for Joe endured more heartache in his 63 years on Earth than anyone I have ever known.

“Down along the river’s silent edge, I soar /

Searching for my beautiful reward.”

…

IT WAS MARCH 1985 and Joe’s wife Sherry was missing. Joe had talked to her in the late afternoon and plans were made to meet a couple who wanted to celebrate that they were pregnant, or so Sherry was told. The husband had known Joe since high school.

Three days later, Sherry’s body was found in a storage unit. Six months later, the husband was convicted of murdering her and sentenced to death. Eighteen years later, after one long appeal after another, Joe watched this man’s execution.

There’s no way the human heart was made to handle something like that.

“I’m waitin’, waitin’ on a sunny day/

Gonna’ chase the clouds away…”

As time moved on, the clouds remained, even when the sun played peek-a-boo with him. There were many spectacular days — while raising his children, laughing with friends, enjoying his family, listening to music, planning for the future, and doing the simplest things of day-to-day life. But the pain…it was always there.

“Everybody’s got a hungry heart.”

Sadly, the worst was yet to come. First, Jakey was paralyzed because of a neurological disorder, and couldn’t run and play like the other children, which didn’t seem fair to Joe, despite Jakey’s beautiful personality. Then, five years ago, Jakey was rushed to an emergency room and died because the medical staff did not do what medical standards required them to do.

"Troubled times had come...to my hometown."

With more grief than he had before, Joe had to again deal with lawyers and the intricacies of the legal system, which he did not like. “It sucks, Kirb,” he’d say, even though the case was successful. “Darkness on the Edge of Town.”

After all that, how does a person keep going?

…

JOE LOVED TWO great men whose help he said he could never repay. One was Father Tom, a priest at a church near his home. The other was Danny Griffith, our mutual friend and teammate who is the pastor at Horizon Pointe at Mission Lane Church in Franklin.

They spoke truth to Joe, in a loving way. We live in a broken world, surrounded by broken people. Out of love, God gives us free will to choose the life we lead, even though some choose evil. Hate does not destroy the object of our anger; instead, it destroys US. Jesus came into this world to give us a glimpse of heaven, even while amid our struggles. And if we humble ourselves to accept His leading, we can live with Him forever in heaven. No one is beyond His grace.

It was hard stuff to grasp, but Joe kept listening. He knew he didn’t always make things easy, but he kept trying. We all need hope.

As it turned out, Father Tom, Bruce, Griff, and God all had the same message for good, hard-working, and hopeful people like Joe. Life is a struggle. It will hit you hard. To recover, don’t look left, right, or down. Instead, keeping looking up.

“Meet me in a land of hopes and dreams…

“This train carries saints and sinners/ This train carries losers and winners/

This train carries whores and gamblers/This train carries lost souls.

“I said this train, dreams will not be thwarted/ This train, faith will be rewarded/

This train, hear the steel wheels singing/ This train, bells of freedom ringing.”

After a long, hard ride, Joe’s train arrived at the station, where the bells of freedom rang, the God of the universe wrapped him in shining light, and and his reunion with loved ones began.

Joe was all smiles, and still is, because he is in no more pain, and lives in perfect harmony with everyone around him. Forever.

Rest in peace, my friend.

Kevin Hollon, Jerry Collins, Mark Kennard, Joe Byrne, Kenny Haney, Dave 'Silk' Back, Dr. Rick Chamberlain and me, at JD Legends (2017).

I Blinked

I remember like it was yesterday, riding my bike to 90 West Central Avenue in Springboro on a cold Sunday morning to deliver my first newspaper of the day. I stopped and looked at the front page before I curled it up to slide it into the mailbox. “Wow, January 3, 1971,” I said. The date just looked so weird.

The streets of my little town were empty, as they always were back then, and I finished my route by 7:15, giving me time to get a couple of hours of additional sleep before church.

Evidently, I slept for almost 25 years, because the next thing I knew I was once again at 90 West Central, where my wife Kim and I had stopped to get a photograph of our children, Adam and Chloe. By this time the house there was known as Kleather’s Pumpkin Patch, which remains one of the most picturesque places in town.

Adam was eight and Chloe was only a few months old. “Hold her up for a second, Adam,” I said. And that’s when I captured the moment on film, If I was ever stranded on a desert island and allowed to have only ten photographs, this would be one of them.

Afterward, our little family went home, ate dinner, watched a little TV, and Kim and I put the children to bed.

As I watched them sleep, I stopped and wondered.

What’s going on here? How was I almost 35 years old? When did all this happen — finishing school, starting a career, getting a job, having children, and buying a house?

I’ll tell you what happened.

I blinked.

…

ONE OF THE BEST PARTS of my job is heaping praise on parents who do what is extremely difficult to do, which is to set aside their personal differences and not put their children in the middle of their divorce.

I believe losing a child is the most difficult experience in life, but I also think the process of divorce ranks up there as a very close second. In the words of my pastor, Charlie McMahan, it is not some simple division of assets and children’s time. Instead, it is more like radical surgery without an anesthetic. It hurts like hell.

If divorce is hard on parents at their adult ages, then it is especially difficult on children at their young age, for all they want to do is enjoy their one and only childhood.

More often than not, parents recognize that reality and put in the hard work that requires them to explore many options and then carefully arrive at some mutual understanding. They appreciate that anyone can fight — a five-year-old knows how to fight — but it takes extraordinary effort and skill to reach an agreement.

I make sure those parents know how much their hard work is appreciated, not for my benefit, but for their children. I can’t tell you how many children I have talked to over the years, and what I hear from them most of all — beyond where they wish to go to school and what kind of parenting schedule they would like to see — is their wish for their parents to respect and cooperate with one another. Children do not want to be in the middle.

Great job, I say. Keep it up, I add.

“We’ve still got 10 years to go for your youngest to graduate from high school, and that may seem like a long time from now,” I say. “An eternity.”

But I ask them to remember the words of a Kenny Chesney song, words I needed to hear when my children were younger.

The days go quickly.

“Don’t Blink.”

….

I THOUGHT OF ALL this last Thursday when my family sat a restaurant just up the street from Kleather’s Pumpkin Patch. Chloe, who is now 27 and is engaged to a great guy, had just successfully completed her first jury trial. And Adam, who is 35 and has a girlfriend who is perfect for him, is doing well.

The hustle and bustle of the crowded streets of Springboro, as they are nowadays, hummed behind me. But as I sat back and listened to the laughter and awesome conversation, I appreciated the moment. And, once again, I wondered.

Where did the last 25 years go? How did two children who were totally dependent on Kim and me suddenly become adults? And with a goofball dad like me, how did they turn out so well? Without question, it's a good thing they have such a great mom.

I like these words from the book of Eccleasiastes: “So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun. “

As I reflected last Thursday night, I came to this conclusion.

No more blinking.

Small Town Life, October 2022

 

'One' Reason To Take A Golf Photograph Of Me

There is virtually no reason to take a photo of me on a golf course anymore. Well, okay, I guess there was ONE good reason, this past Monday, because of a shot I hit, from 147 yards, with a 7-iron, on Yankee Trace's Vintage course (on the par-3 fifth hole), that somehow nosedived into the hole, giving me my first-ever hole-in-one, helping me to a round of 37. I still can't believe it. Many thanks to Jon Glista and John Saunier for celebrating the moment with me.