This may be the most valuable legal advice I have ever given. It won’t cost you a thing, either. Honest. Would a lawyer ever lie to you?
If you take this advice, you will leave a treasure for your loved ones, more valuable than any bank account or piece of real estate. A real fortune, I tell you.
Today, write a letter. In fact, while you’re at, write several of them.
No, no, Mr. Business Executive, this is not a letter you dictate for your secretary to type. And huh-uh, Ms. Stay-At-Home Mom who’s sitting at your computer, this is not a letter you send by email.
You need a pen and pad of writing paper. And don’t forget the envelope. Then put these away for safekeeping.
In legal jargon, this is called an Ethical Will, and it’s a document you prepare in your own handwriting (an absolute must) that tells your loved ones what they have always meant to you, and along the way relays the life values you hope they learned from you.
It’s a document you put in the same place you keep your testamentary wills and other important legal documents.
It’s to be read once you are gone, when your loved ones cling to everything that embodies the person you tried to be.
And beyond all things financial, you are a person of wisdom, feelings and character, all qualities your loved ones will always remember.
Imagine the power of a letter from a husband written to the woman he loved and raised children with for almost 50 years. Or a letter to a young woman on her wedding day, from the mother she lost as teenager.
My dad left of letter like this before he died two months ago. Predictably, it began with the words we had heard from him many times, “Take care of your mom.”
These letters aren’t limited to family members. Your friends will miss you, too.
When Ted Gregory, owner of the Montgomery Inn, died several years ago, he left a note that required four of his best friends to sit by his grave and tell stories for half an hour. He also gave them special cigars to smoke.
Eighteen minutes into the conversation, the cigars exploded.
One last time, Ted said, “Gotcha!”
When you are gone, your loved ones will cling to every wonderful memory of you. Your hand-written words will be the most valued item you can give.
So, Husbands, the time is now to tell your wife how lucky you were to have her. Her focus in life is on the things we don’t focus on, and we often overlook them, thinking instead that working full-time and being largely responsible for the bills is more important.
Wives, this is a time to tell your husband how proud you have always been of him. While society unfortunately tries to make women sex objects, it makes men success objects, which can be a difficult burden to live up to. Guys love knowing they provided well for you and the kids.
To parents everywhere, here’s the time to fully let your children know just how great they are, and how you’ve been proud of them not because of anything in particular they have done, but just for being them.
These are things you should share every day, too.
My point is that a letter like this will be forever cherished if given as part of your estate.
In my case, it better be, because I’m not sure there’s much else I’ll be able to give.
Hmm. Maybe I should buy some cigars.
This column by Jeff originally appeared in the Dayton Dail News Neighbors section on February 5, 2009.