As I write these words I am settling in after the most incredible day, one that has been full of laughs and good conversations and some of the most incredible music I have ever heard in a single place. I love it here. The beauty of my surroundings is matched only by the perfect peace within me.
As I ready myself for a good night’s sleep, I find myself in a reflective mood. This is the year my being will turn 99, and I realize once again I have so many reasons to be thankful — for my family and friends, of course; but also for a sense of purpose; the joy that comes from giving; and love like I never could have dreamed.
Most of all, I am thankful for the chance to be. I arrived in early 1960 when my mother felt this inexplicable wave of nausea, and I saw my first sunrise in late July after meeting some nice nurses at Middletown Hospital. Life is a gift.
For the longest time, Easter was about bonnets and baskets and plastic eggs filled with money.
But now I celebrate it as so much more.
It is the day Hope became Reality.
…
I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY life presented constant struggles. Every day there was a problem to worry about. Why couldn’t everyone be nice? Why did bad things happen to good people? I’d often drive home from work feeling like a boxer who had gone 10 rounds with Muhammed Ali.
Though I was more fortunate than other people, I still faced difficult moments. I kept thinking they would all go away…after I graduated college…after I got through law school…after I was able to buy a house…after I won a certain number of jury trials…after my children got through high school…after I reached retirement age…always after, after, after.
On a cold morning in February 1998, I remember driving to my office at 5:30 in the morning. I seemingly had it all, at least as far as the world was concerned, and yet I felt overwhelmed. I had a brutal day ahead of me. I sat at a stop sign for 15 minutes, paralyzed as the snow covered my car, and rubbed my eyes.
I listened to the still, small voice whispering inside me:
“The problems will never go away. You live in a fallen world. You were made to help solve the problems, not just simply contribute to them. So be you. Embrace peace. Be assured that your best is good enough, and know that in the end everything is going to be okay. I’ve put you in the middle of difficult situations for a reason. This is what you were made for.”
I started a faith journey like Mack did years later in the movie, "The Shack" (pictured). I had a brighter perspective. Life was not about avoiding problems, but serving as a beacon of light through them. The more we give, we get. The more you lose your life, you find it.
One of my favorite songs is “Already Gone,” by the Eagles. I love these words:
So often times it happens /
That we live our lives in chains /
And we never even know we have the key
…
FOUR DAYS BEFORE MY funeral twenty-one years ago, I closed my Earthly eyes for the very last time. I watched the highlights of my 78 years on Earth played to a collection of music that was the soundtrack of my life. We had some serious hair in the ‘70s, didn’t we? Sitting with my dad and my sister Julie, I was then shown a scrapbook of the days ahead, that Kim, Chloe, and Adam, and the rest of my family were all going to be okay, despite any problems they faced. I was told, “Jeff, it’s okay to go with us…”
I was wrapped in a invisible blanket of joy, peace, happiness, and serenity that was more comfortable than a warm fire on a cold winter night. I still wear it every single day.
Then I met a man called Love. He didn’t have a printout of how many times I had messed up or missed church or questioned his very existence. He was not the angry junior high principal who couldn’t wait to punish me for doing something wrong. He was just the opposite. He knew everything about me, and was my biggest fan. We talked until the sun came up.
In this peaceful, beautiful place, I am now surrounded by people who have experienced the very same thing. Many of them never dreamed they would be here. They all have stories about their wayward ways on Earth. But they all can talk about the time (sometimes early in life, and sometimes at the very last minute) when heaven’s curtain was pulled back and they heard the whisper of the still, small voice.
I say it all the time now: God’s grace is way underestimated.
...
AS I CLOSE MY EYES TONIGHT, I think back to a time in 2019 when so many good people I knew faced monumental struggles — because of death, disease, or divorce. They wanted comfort. Or answers. Or encouragement. My prayer was that all of them would find the peace they were looking for.
And they did…eventually.
As I write these words tonight, I am settling in after the most incredible day, one that has been full of laughs and good conversations and some of the most incredible music I have ever heard.
Do you know who I spent today with? All those people.
— Jeff Kirby
March 30, 2059 A.D.